Updated: Jul 16
By: Dexter Ray Ellis Jr 7/15/2021
Praise Odin! Festival season has made a glorious comeback. That means most of us will end up in an RV living the (somewhat) easy life, or roughing it out in the badlands. During our time out in the jungle, getting back to the campground can make or break an entire festival. Here, I will show you some helpful hints, and hacks, that, I’ll give scouts honor, will at least make the camping aspects way more palatable
A Campsite Beacon Will be Your Hope
There are seldom situations worse, than a long, long, day of tail feather shaking in the sun, possibly effected by both solids and liquids (who knows), followed by being immediately overwhelmed by the amount of tents, and sections, that look EXACTLY LIKE YOURS. When leaving the area, the collective collectively forgot to leave a discernible marking to help find that home sweet home. Tip number one, make sure to “stand out”
when building your camp. A quick trip to Home Depot or Lowe’s, along with a stop at Five Below, will get you everything you need to craft a campsite totem that you can see from quite a distance. Some 1/4 inch pvc pipe, a repurposed and adjusted tee shirt, flag, or a laminated fire meme, all wrapped in some wildly inexpensive led lights, will be the beacon your camp mates and you will find solace in finding! The more outlandish, and unique it is, the easier returning to home bass will be. Be bold! Be weird! Be a complete (tasteful) asshole if it means getting yourself, and your people back safely!
Off the Grid Air Conditioner are Off the Chain
Arguably one aspect of a camping festival that is both the worst and sometimes unavoidable, is unbearable, direct, and borderline disrespectful heat. I can’t count how many times I’ve been sun sobered.
Sun Sobered - Passing out after a full night of boolery and testing the limits of both one's psyche, as well as their liver, only to be awoken by the heat of a thousand suns, forcing you to get sober and figure out how to combat hells breath until the sun goes down.
Luckily, some way more motivated and educated engineers have given us a way to bring some relief, without having to lug the same AC unit that killed the “mista, mista” lady in Happy Gilmore (watch it if you haven’t). The King on Random on Youtube (TKOR handle), shows us an exponentially cheap and easy way to build your own little slice of comfort heaven in the form of a off the grid air conditioner. I recommend instead of using just traditional ice, to up the punx a little by using a dry ice/traditional ice combo to really chill out.
Forget Bags of ice, Make GALLONS!!!
Speaking of ice! Don’t you hate when you're 15 minutes into a festival and the ice in your cooler does that whole disappearing trick? What about spending $15 a pop for ice at
the not so near ice station, only to have a bag of cold water by the time you get back? Well with a little bit of preparation, you can make sure you don’t spend the rest of the weekend sloshing a dirty hand in lukewarm dirt water, looking for a “not-so-white" claw. A couple nights or even the night before you embark, grab 2 or 3 extra gallons of water (space mitigating for sure) and freeze them overnight. Those, along with regular ice, will absolutely prolong the lifespan of your coolers cool, with no super suit required. (Pro tip when one of the gallons melt, you can use it as an ultra bright lantern, by getting one of those headlights miners use, and turning it inside!)
Foam Floor Tiles Ain't Just for Kindergarten
What’s more comfortable than a rock scattered, uneven, damp, insect infested ground to pass out on? Well, if my bed is any type of indicator, then NOTHING is more comfortable I tell you! But for all you weirdos that prefer some semblance of "comfort" and didn’t pack an air mattress, here’s an idea that may add a couple more minutes to that sweet power nap between sets.
FOAM FLOOR TILES! Affordable, reusable, and make the world of a difference. POWER MOVE: use a layer of the foam, THE pop on a comforter as another topper than build your makeshift party bed right in there. No matter how heavy the stench of beer or loud the late night riddim kids will ger, this will help you sleep through it.
Phones With no Reception are More than Useless Bricks
During festivals, phones for the most part don't have service and even if they do, many times we’re in no shape to navigate the now hyper complex interfaces we’re normally inundated with on a regular basis. However, if my phone is going to be a brick, might as well
go full mafia, and make it a useful brick. Since no one is going to be able to get in touch with anyone, get some big brain use by making your background and wallpaper the set times, plans for artists you want to see, and meet up times and places. Also, on on the plus side, if you are just popping open the screen for a second to take a look at stage you’re going to take videos of yourself at, you'll use a lot less battery. Therefore you’ll be able to in fact take way more selfies, and all will be right in the world.
I’m one who seems to find that, for the most part, the elation and surge of awesome energy that is coupled with the experience of a festival, will usually overtake the negative aspects that can come with camping. Thankfully, there are people, way more motivated than I am, who come up with these little helpful harrys (name pending) to help make the good times that much better. I’ll see you kids out in the jungle! Meet me by the totem with the guy on the left.